“Let’s make a baby”

Before I begin this post, let me start by saying that this is really hard for me to share. I’m not even sure why, it just is, so be gentle and bear with my random thoughts and ramblings. Please and thank you.

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Up until a little more than a year ago, Daniel and I were still deciding whether or not we’d ever have kids. This was just before we got married and I will admit that I was 100% on the side of shutting down the baby-making factory before it even started. It just seemed like something we didn’t want to do. Something we didn’t want to add to our lives. I’m not even sure why we felt that way, we just did.

Just after we got married we decided that we would in fact add to our little family. But not yet. We’d wait a good 5 years, enjoy each other as newly weds and just be a couple for now. By then I’d be 29 and having my first baby at 30 sounded like a good idea. Much to the heartache and dismay of my big sister who desperately wants a niece or nephew or both.

Recently things have changed. Daniel and I have brought the 5 year wait down to 3 (meaning we’d start trying for a little one at the end of next year), but I’m not sure how I’ll even last that long.

Suddenly, my not wanting to have kids evolved into a broody ‘I want kids’ to I need to have a baby. Now. This is no longer a matter of wondering about how lovely it would be to have a baby one day far off into the future, because babies are cute and all my friends are having babies and wouldn’t it be awesome to be pregnant and then be a “real” little family. No. There’s more to this feeling.

I want to be a mother.

My far off, ‘one day’ thoughts about caring for a little one have turned into stomach-churning, fire-in-my-belly longings to be a mom. And having my life revolve around a teeny tiny human that I will love with all of my being sounds like the best thing that could possibly happen.

Is this strange? I told you it would be ramblings and thoughts barely strung together. It’s just really hard to put into words this feeling of longing.

The wait

Some days I get frustrated that we’ve decided to wait. Maybe it’s a quarter-life crisis? Being 25, I was expecting it to come along at some point. But this feels like more than just a passing fad. This is more.

I know it’s for the best that Daniel and I wait to have a baby. We can pay off debt and by the end of next year (God-willing) we’ll be in a more stable place financially. It’s the wise thing to do. The mature thing to do. Wait.

Problem is, I’ve never been a patient person. Waiting is hard. Especially when you want something so that bad that you know your body can already do. It’s not like it’s impossible. It’s just not wise right now. Wisdom sucks.

It’s silly but I have a few baby clothes in a drawer at home, things I’ve bought because I thought they were adorable (like a newborn cow outfit – how could I not?) or a little knitted jersey that was meant as a baby shower present but got left at home. I’ll hold them and wonder about the baby we haven’t had yet. This is weird isn’t it? It’s just hard to explain. You’re all probably going to think I’m insane…

I know I’m lucky that (as far as we know) there won’t be a problem actually falling pregnant. But being “forced” to wait feels a lot like (self-imposed) torture though. For now I guess I’ll just get another kitten and fill the void with fluffy babies.

Anyway, I just wanted to share these thoughts and feelings. It’s part of adult life and marriage after all.

Am I just being crazy? Should I just shut up and wait? Has anyone else ever felt like this? Please share with me in the comments. I’m all ears.

30 thoughts on ““Let’s make a baby”

  1. Definitely not crazy. Sounds like you have your head screwed on just right so you’ll make the best decision for your little family of two-for-now.

    Nothing wrong with buying baby clothes either. You can never be too prepared ;) From a financial point of view I’d say use the time to save. There are so many unforeseen expenses that goes with kids. Also, once you’re home and on maternity leave, it’s nice not to worry about bills, groceries etc.

    Patience is what makes for great moms so another year of practice won’t harm. That’s if you decide on it.

    1. You’re right. We’re definitely using this time to pay off debt and save up. It’s so important. Thankfully, my job is awesome regarding maternity leave etc.

      Hahahaha – Hopefully patience is something that can be gained over time. ;)

      1. Oh my beloved child…. it is totally and fully normal, we were made that way!!
        You and Danny both have very level heads… that biological clock ticks in all of us – just don’t put the alarm on yet…. meanwhile, I will send you something else for that bottom drawer. We put things aside before we get married. Well put things aside before you have a baby!

        1. I know there are going to be the superstitious few who say that putting things aside before a baby has even arrived is bad luck, but I couldn’t care less! Love you, Mumsie. x

  2. Go with your gut. Personally, I think you’re nuts ;) but in the nicest, kindest way because I never ever want to be a mother (but that doesn’t mean that nobody else can be, or that their decision is any more right/wrong than mine).
    Financially, you’ll never be ready, ever. Kids cost more than anybody can budget for accurately, but being a new, first-time mom, with the financial strain of a baby as well as the physical and emotional strain is exhausting, perhaps don’t lump that on top of the stress of being in debt.
    Also, I am not available to babysit until they are potty-trained, after that, by all means :D

    1. Hahaha. Thanks, love. I know we’ll never be financially ready, but if all goes according to plan we’ll be in a better place by the end of next year than we are right now, you know? Which will put my mind at ease more than anything else.

      I will keep the babysitting bit in mind but I think my sister may steal each and every moment to babysit no matter what. ;)

    2. Oh and you not wanting to be a mother? There’s nothing wrong with that at all. Each and every woman has the right to make that decision for themselves. :)

  3. Kids will change your life forever. There is no two ways about it. Fortunately they are very adaptable and enrich your life in a million different ways so they are always worth it.

    Parenting is HARD! Kids cannot raise themselves so they need to be taught manners and given boundaries and some days it really feels like a schelp because the teaching part of parenting seems endless some days.

    Yes, there are parents who like to think of themselves as “organic” and let their kids run riot but you will always spot a well raised kid from a mile away and they are the ones who are a credit to society.

    There is no “OFF” switch when you are a parent. There is no such thing as just chilling or sleeping in. Kids will need input from the minute they wake up to the minute they go to sleep and you need to be prepared for that. Cute nephews and nieces are awesome but they go home eventually and their parents have to manage what is left behind whether it is too-much-TV, too much sugar or just the disruption of a routine. Every kid is different and will present you with different challenges.

    Some days you do have to remind yourself that your kids are awesome and it is a priviledge to mould these young minds. Some days you have to chant, “I love my kids, I love my kids” Devil wears Prada style but “this too shall pass” and all the hard work is worth it in the end.

    Am I scaring you? I’m sorry. This is the longest comment I’ve written EVER but I want to encourage you to talk to other parents. Really talk. Find out what it’s like to have kids in school with homework and extramurals and after school classes and how they manage to balance everything with normal life as well.

    IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Be prepared! ;)

    1. I’m totally ready and okay with the huge change having a baby will bring to my life. Thankfully I work for a parenting site so talking to parents about parenting, kids, life with kids etc is pretty much all I do all day. That’s probably part of the reason I think the way I do about parenting. :)

  4. You are most certainly NOT crazy, Robyn. I think society makes us go crazy with these kind of thoughts where we suddenly ask questions like: Do I need a child now? My best friend has one? What’s wrong with me. At the same time, you doing THE most adult and sane thing – planning the right way for a child who’s future will be the best, because his parents went about it the right way. And besides, you’ll also have time to enjoy being you for a few more years, before you’ll be a wonderful mommy. I’m glad to see sane people who think this way, are still around.

  5. Nothing weird or insane. Your biological clock has just started ticking. It happens to most people. Good luck waiting. I don’t think there is ever a “right” time to have a baby. There will always be *something* or a better time, but if you feel that you must wait, do that. Best of luck!

  6. You’re definitely not crazy. Well I don’t think so anyway, maybe you are but then crazy is just a label anyway. As a mom raising a kid alone I can tell you that waiting or not there is never a right or wrong time to have a kid. You make do with what you’re given. I got knocked up at 20, would I have waited? Well having kids was never in my plan at all. I don’t know. Maybe I’m not the right person to give advice, I doubt I’m even making sense. Point is that the wait you put on it is completely up to you.

    1. I think the biggest part of waiting for me is that having logically thought this through, CHOOSING to have a baby right now when I know waiting would be better, I would just kick myself later. Does that make sense?

  7. Not crazy at all. I started waiting from the age of 27 when I got married. However, after one year of waiting, we waited a subsequent 5.5 years before I actually fell pregnant because… 16 year olds make baby-making look easy, yo. It’s often not as easy as we’d hope.

    1. I’m already preparing myself for the fact that anything could happen and it might not be as easy as it sounds. I’m hoping that like my mother and sister, I’ve inherited good baby-making genes. ;)

  8. I know exactly how you are feeling. We were married just 5 months and I was so broody I could pop. Visiting other people with kids made left me in tears for my own little person. I totally get this.

    We couldn’t/didn’t wait. Accidentally on purpose kind of thing…

    1. Yes! You DO get it. It’s that feeling. That amazing but also frustrating feeling.

      Hahaha. If we accidentally stopped waiting right now that would okay. :)

  9. Like the other folk have said. If you’re planning to wait, use this time to save, save and save some more. Remember even R20 saved is R40 you have by month two. Every month the amount increases and every month the interest increases. Don’t expect to have a gazillion rand immediately – take it slowly but save. For when the UIF doesn’t pay out on time. For the unexpected trip to the doctor during the night. etc etc. And also, you don’t need all these new fandangled products they shove onto unsuspecting new parents. You can make do without most of the cr*p they tell you you are only a good parent if you have this mobile and this play mat and this organic juicer. With labour pain comes the life-lasting guilt trip. Haha. But you are very sensible to wait. Personally I never had the overwhelming “I have to be a mother” desire. Now – my three (adult) girls are my pride and my joy and a constant source of pleasure to their dad and I. The very best “thing” I have ever done with my life. Wait. And save. And buy a little goody every month for baby-to-be.

    1. Great advice! Saving is the plan. :)

      I’m totally about doing babies at a low cost. As my best friend says: Babies are as expensive as you make them!

  10. Awe the excitement of planning. I had a very similiar post 8 years ago…Unfortunately life had given us so many curveballs that we have now started wondering if we must just tell ourselves that maybe that dream was just a phase…Life sucks, but at least you can dream and plan and keep being excited and keep collecting. I have a cupboard full of baby goodies just waiting for that little body.

  11. Hahahaha. It had to happen… knew all your ‘no babies for me’ was nonsense :p

    You’ll make the cutest, hairiest, baldest little monkey princesses ever ^-^ o.O

    Looking forward to having more familia to game with! Lililililililililililiiii

  12. Don’t be too hung up on what kids cost. I thought the same, let me get all my ducks in a row before we think of kids… But children are very adaptable. They really don’t give a hoot what you paid for their vest, or their diaper for that matter… When I was researching how much babies actually cost (before we had a baby), the amount was massively exaggerated. For e.g they will use 10 to 12 diapers a day @ R2.40 a diaper = R720+ per month!!! My kid averages on 5-6 diapers a day! And you’re bound to have a baby shower, the products you get as gifts can last for months…

  13. I know this is so delayed but I just needed to say that I loved reading this post. I’ve been having the same feelings lately which scared me at first because when I got married last year having a baby was the furthest thing from my mind. And now all of a sudden I am sitting at work and its the only thing I can think of!

    I know it must have been difficult to post this but it feels good knowing there are women going through something similar.

    Oh, and I LOVE your blog

    1. Thanks so much, Nihaad. It’s good to plan and have some place to share your feelings. May we both be having babies real soon. ;) x

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