Dad, before I start, let me say that I love you, always and forever. I miss you.
Death is a strange thing. We all know it’s coming, we all know that we aren’t immortal, but we push the reality of death aside because it’s no fun to think about it, is it?
On the 20th of September 2015, I faced the reality of death for only the second time in my life. My father, Frederick Norman Addinall, passed away at the age of 65.
Dad had been sick on and off for many years, but his death was sudden. One day I had a father, my daddy, my friend, and the next morning he passed away in my mother’s arms due to a heart attack.
As far as deaths go, Dad had it good. He knew he was sick and when he didn’t feel well, he and my mother spent some time in bed praying and singing praises, exactly what he wanted. He would never have wanted to be in a hospital. A little while later his heart was tired enough to stop and that was that. Dad was gone. After many heart attacks over 10 years ago and a 5 way bypass a few years later, his heart was on borrowed time.
It’s been a few weeks now and I can honestly say that I’m okay. I can’t change that he’s gone, I have no regrets, and yes, I miss my dad but he’s gone and I’m okay.
I have my moments where I’ll cry a little or my emotions will feel a little overwhelming, but I’m fairly tough on myself. I won’t allow myself to drown in sadness. Instead I’ll remember my dad with joy.
After Dad’s memorial service on the 24th of September, which was a beautiful morning filled with love and fantastic memories, I feel stronger and the healing has already started.
One of the ways I’m healing and remembering my father is by finding old photos of him or things that remind me of him and sharing them on Instagram. I use the hashtag #RememberingFredAddinall. It’s a nice way to keep my thoughts together I guess.
I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to blog about this, but guys, mainly I miss my dad. I always will. Above all else I will always cherish the little things he taught me, his love for cooking that I’ve inherited and his infectious smile that I will never forget.
Hug your loved ones, friends. Life can change in the blink of an eye.